Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
