i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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