The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
