Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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