I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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