Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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