let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
