I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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