What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she peed on how many people?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
