I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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