I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
