you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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