So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
