He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
