You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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