You just made me feel so damn special
I need to stop coming to work sober
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
