I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
