it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
