Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The best revenge is premature balding
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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