his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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