i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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