Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
