Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
