Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
