Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
