You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
