I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
