Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
