I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
