No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
