We're facebook friends in real life
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
