I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
3 2 1 whiskey
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The air taste purple.
Randomize
