they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
