bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
