I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
