i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
