So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
And then he peed in my hair
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