I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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