I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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