if you like me you must not know who I am
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
