Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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