Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
