So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
