Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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