I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
