Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
