If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
