this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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