Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
