i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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